We all have that one friend. You know, that guy. The one that shows up drunk instead of showing up to get drunk. The one who visited the day after missing your party with a story about an alligator in the road. The one who insists that they have no idea what happened to your goldfish when they were locked in the bathroom with the bowl all night. Well, his birthday party is right around the corner and you want to be the bigger man and get him a present to show that even your worst friend deserves the kind consideration of a birthday gift. The question is this: do you get him the kind of birthday present that he deserves? (something like….this guy is nuts, but I love this dude! He is a good guy)
Don’t let your dreams be dreams. It’s time to be real! Make it happen with Stuffed Toys Against Mankind… our Sad Birthday Collection and make the day of his unfortunate birth the occasion that it always was meant to be. Here is a sample of the stuffed treasures that can make your wish come true when he blows out his candles.
Bonoloo Ben Dover Wants To Give Him A Piece Of His Mind
The menace out of Provo, Utah, Bonoloo Ben Dover left behind the LDS for S.T.A.M, and while it isn’t his life’s mission to ruin birthdays, everybody needs to have a hobby. He is more than glad to tell your lousy pal the hard truths that you just can’t spit out for the sake of friendship. This grumpy bear knows well the sting of disappointment, and is more than glad to share the feeling, but chances are that your crummy chum will treasure this fluffy terror, laughing at his every insult with the lack of self-awareness that has defined his wasted life.
Imagine Ms. Onostotia Beaverhousen Popping Out of His Birthday Cake
Aah! Ms. Onostotia Beaverhousen! Where do we even begin? We are just kidding. Don’t imagine it… make it happen! This un-ravishing Romanian is never going to be on the cover of Maxim, but you can still make her the cover model for Birthday Wrecker’s Quarterly. Just as soon as Eastern Europe’s least favorite daughter burst forth from the cake like an abominable Jack-in-the-box, your better friends will be howling with laughter at your deficient compatriot’s expense. This stuffed sweetheart with a heart of brass will barrage him with crass comments and biting insults sure to shrivel the scrotum and pucker the rectum. It just may backfire, though, when you realize that she looks just like his ex-girlfriend.
Here at Stuffed Toys Against All Mankind we think that your worst friend has it coming, and we want to deliver the kind of gift that will let you know exactly how you feel about this reprobate and leave him with tears of laughter all at the same time. Our Sad Birthday Collection awaits to help the guy who never has jumper cables and has a dentist appointment when you need to move a couch to enjoy his special day in a special way.